Girl Talk

Fear of Intimacy: "Why is making love such a frightful task?"

Fear of intimacy is a term we often hear in the world of dating, romance and relationships, but few understand what it really means. 

There are a number of reasons a person might develop problems with intimacy in personal relationships. Most of them start from within. the top 3 reasons are: 

  • Self Esteem Problems
  • Body Image Issues
  • Performance Anxiety
If you are not respecting and appreciating your body, why should someone else? Self esteem issues start with you. No matter our background or past relationships, we are the only ones who can control how we feel about ourselves. For some it can be very depressing, while for others, extremely easy to love their voluptuous curves.  

Here are my top 5 ways to help overcome your securities during sex. 
  1. Be kind to yourself and others What you think about others are often the same thoughts you use when you judge yourself. Are you constantly putting down others? We often seek self gratification in others when we should only be concerned about ourselves. The way we treat ourselves, it reflects on others. There is no way you can fully love who we are, but still throw malice towards others. Be gentle with your words when speaking about yourself. Calling yourself names or laughing at your expense, that only shows just how much you hate yourself. Wake up every morning and go straight to a mirror. Stand there for 5 minutes and proclaim everything you love about yourself. Say it loud and assertive. Doing this daily will soon boost your confidence. But, you have got believe every word. Otherwise you are just wasting your time.
  2. Change what you don't like Do you often have sex with the lights on? Always covering your tummy or are you making love fully clothed? Intimacy should be wild and free. Your mate should have all of you, mentally and physically. If you can not be yourself during that time, then it is less enjoyable for your mate. Our weight often causes insecurities when having sex, but if we don't like something, we are the only ones who can change it right? Why go your entire life being insecure and frightful to get naked? Start making small healthy living goals to work towards your flaws. It can be exerting for 30 minutes a day, or cutting back on a few calories. Set goals that are realistic and healthy. Whatever it is, just know that as you gradually see change, the more "free" you will be during love making.
  3. Satisfaction Guaranteed! The only goal in love making is to satisfy. When a man is being satisfied, the last thing on his mind is your belly rolls, thunder thighs and back fat. He sees a goddess, as you should see the exact same. Please your man with confidence, loving and satisfying his every need. Let him grab and fondle each and every roll there is. He loves you. Straddle him and make love to him without the concerns of your flaws. Your confidence level will either out shine you or show just how uncomfortable you are. Head up, shoulders back and sway those hips knowing that you are everything he wants and more. Hey, he is there for you, not your rolls.
  4. Ask for help if you need it Surround yourself with positive people who lift you up, people who contribute to your happiness. Whether you need help sticking to a healthy eating plan, a buddy to workout with, a personal trainer to show you the ropes or someone to discuss emotional issues with, just ask. Closed mouths do not get fed. There are so many people willing and able to help you, but if you continue to hide your feelings, then you will forever be trapped in an emotional nightmare. 
  5. Love thy self You are beautiful. But, do you believe that? From the top of your head to the bottom of your feet, you were uniquely made by God. There is only one of you, why not celebrate that. Someone wishes they had your full lips, your robust breast, or your thick chocolate thighs. You are blessed beyond measures, yet you still ignore that. Many say they loves themselves, but yet they are so quick to belittle and judge their body. We talk harshly on the things we can not change, but fail to appreciate the little things that make us goddesses.  Unconditional love is love without stipulations. Can you honestly say you love yourself, flaws and all? Start today. Like myself, it took me years to love myself. Many depressing, vile days, but I stayed patient and I'm here.

Love and blessings,


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